Pros and Cons Of An Arranged Marriage
by BasicallyAnIdiot
Summary: Because, in the end, Sakura knew she should have ran the moment her mother informed her of her engagement to the king of Tomato Country. AU
1. Con 1

The Prologue to Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages: (Ramble Edition). I suppose it counts as a SasukexSakura, if you think about it. Though you might also get a headache. I got rid of the original and posted this in its place, I happen to like it better. This will more than likely updated in smaller segments than what I normally do. In fact this might be the longest chapter I write for this. Which is sad because this is a prologue…

Warnings: AU, Potential OOC-ness (I'll keep it within reason), Subtle references, Blunt references, SasukexSakura, TsunadexDan, Crack, and … that actually sums it up nicely.

Summary: Because, in the end, Sakura knew she should have ran the moment her mother informed her of her engagement to king of Tomato Country. AU, SakuxSasu, Crack

The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages

Prologue: I should have ran.

The members of the royal family of Katsuya were known for their powerful personalities. They were headstrong, independent, and stubborn; mulish to the point of stupidity, and with high tolerance to alcohol. Nobody in the palace knew this better then the maids, who had tried every thing in the book- including the alcohol tricks- to get the royals to agree with the gowns, and all to no avail. The family's latest princess was no exception to this.

"I told you, I can do this on my own." The princess's voice was dripping venom as she sullenly allowed them to braid her hair in the latest style. Whether or not it was actually still in style remained to be seen, seeing as how the Duchess of Katsuya's neighbouring country changed the rules of fashion every other hour and got very huffy whenever the trends didn't follow suit quickly enough. Rumour had it that she planned to write a book detailing all of the intricacies of the 'art' of fashion, a feat made somewhat difficult by the fact that writing the rules down tended to make them permanent and, thus, insusceptible to the changes the Duchess made at the drop of a hat. We'll leave that headache alone though. "I'm not a cripple, you know."

"You're a princess. Deal with it." Her mother smiled wickedly from her place in the doorway- not like a witch, mind you, but close enough to be mistaken for one. She was reclining in that regal way she always got while mocking someone; a habit she took great delight in, along with her smile. (Some of the maids gossiped about what would happen if their Queen was let loose in a room of politicians, before wincing at the thought and begging their king not to let her anywhere near the visiting diplomats). Sakura's glare immediately moved from the cowering maids to her mother. As soon as the glare was removed from them, however, the maids got an evil gleam in their eyes, and with a quick motion they finished tying the princess's royal corset. Very tightly. Out of revenge, we assume, for all the trouble the Princess caused them. A few of them felt a bit guilty about involving the corset. Elder maids merely shook their heads and replied that it was for her own good, after all, and they might as well tighten it a bit more. Said princess's glare sputtered out very quickly as she focused on breathing properly, not that it had been very effective against Tsunade anyway. She was more than likely immune to glares; an inevitable side effect of perfecting the art.

"And what if I don't want to be a princess?" Even with oxygen cut off, Sakura managed to keep a respectable amount of righteous fury in her voice. Tsunade was _sure_ she got that trait from her father- nevermind that he had never shown any sign of possessing it. Said father, also known as Dan, just smiled and nodded whenever she mentioned it. Most people actually blamed the resident spymaster for teaching her, as she sounded just like the old pervert whenever someone was caught performing a ''injustice'' against him. He still claimed that peeking was a constitutional right for the spymaster, and since no one could ever catch him in the act they had no right but to agree. Anyway, Tsunade had a pretty good idea of what was bothering her daughter.

"Are you still sulking about the arranged marriage?" Granted it was a bit of an unusual arranged marriage, but Sakura was overreacting just the same. Tsunade herself had had an arranged marriage, and she and Dan got along famously. Agreed, nobody spoke about the first few rocky years, when nearly all the training grounds and bedrooms had been destroyed though a variety of super punches and illusions, courtesy of the two lovebirds. Naturally, Sakura didn't know about that little detail.

"How would _you_ feel about being sent to the country that all evil supposedly comes from, to marry a boy who's eight years younger then you?" She had a point. Although, there were recorded cases of marriages just as odd that turned out fine. For example, there was an arranged marriage several years ago between a couple where not only was there an age difference of several years, but it turned out that the prince involved in the marriage was actually female. Apparently, she had started a movement to prove that females were equal to men in all areas of life. In any case, she refused to halt the marriage (taking feminist to a whole new level). The princess, it was discovered, really didn't care one way or another so the marriage proceeded without a real hitch. The two then adopted several children and will be celebrating their 16th anniversary together later this year. Politicians, and everyone else for that matter, have no idea what to think.

"He can't be more than two or three years younger, and I'm sure the rumours have been exaggerated." Still, Tsunade personally agreed with the 'origin of evil' part. It was kind of hard not to, with the rumour mills working constantly to keep the country's reputation firmly in the "evil," "avoid at all costs" and even "FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY LEAVE IT ALONE" categories. It is suspected the mills had way too much fun with tales from Tomato Country.

"That doesn't stop you from spreading them." Which was also true; queen Tsunade was a leading factor in the rumour mill. Maids could only be awed when the ruler of Katsuya entered the dining hall, only to return later that evening before the main course with nearly every noble lady attending believing that a meteor had crashed into the nearby mountain over the border had released aliens into the forests, and the only way to kill them was by beating them in a game of chess on the night of the full moon. By the end of the night, of course, the lords believed it too.

"Whatever. I was trying to comfort you." Tsunade turned and left in a huff, refusing to deal with her stubborn daughter (she really couldn't point fingers in regards to stubbornness, but she is a queen so the rules sort of bend for her), passing the princess's bodyguard as she went. Who was late, by the way. Not that anyone blamed her. Beating all the other knights took time after all. Especially when you're trying to polish off the last of your morning dango at the same time (the knight had almost perfected the technique by now).

"Don't worry, Sakura-hime," she greeted the princess cheerfully. "Anybody from _this _royal family can handle whatever Tomato Country throws at you." She pulled out her ever-present dango stick and stuck in her mouth, managing to look very not-dangerous. And she was one of the best in the business, with several titles to hold over her fellow knights' heads, like "The Demon Slayer", "Queen of the Blade", and "Dango Loving Ass Kicking Mistress of Battle." Not to mention voted most likely to bring glory and booze to her country by "Unsheathe Thy Swords: a Knight's Magazine." It was a rather impressive resume, to say the least. Especially that last part.

"Well, if you listen to the rumours…" Sakura wasn't about to let it go so easily. Which was understandable. As Princess she was one of the first to hear the Queen's stories, fresh from the mills. Being the trusting and only-slightly gullible daughter that she was, Sakura assumed that these stories were true. She never once considered that her mother might actually be the source of 90% of all rumours in Katsuya. Actually, we're not sure if Tsunade was aware of that fact either.

Anko waved it away. "Yeah, yeah, the king's supposed to be arrogant, brainiackish, godlike and generally not human-ish." Sakura was a bit surprised at the bored tone she was using. Most people had at least a little bit of awe in their voice when talking about the mysterious kingdom. Then again, the knight wasn't one to listen to rumours, unless they involved potential rivals. Listening to and allowing gossip to control her life as if she was a slave to who broke up with who, who crashed their carriage into what, who'd got into trouble with the Demons last and the most recent Dragon sightings were not all that Anko-ish. "You don't actually believe that stuff, do you? Nobody's actually _been _there, so what would they know?" Imagine- if everyone acknowledged that, the mills would shut right down.

"But what about that country that vanished after insulting their king?" Ah. That country had been erased from the history books because nobody wanted to admit that there were people who thought it was funny to poke fun at the most dangerous country around.

"They had it coming." Which didn't answer the question, because that was a well-known fact. Nobody had really liked that country. And it wasn't just because their monarchy tended to step on the toes of other monarchies (taking a bulldozer to the toes would describe it better) on a fairly regular basis (it was a wonder they had lasted as long as they did, really). Due to the rumours about Tomato Country that held sway even there, not even The-Country-That-Was-Destroyed's royalty tried to dance anywhere near Tomato Country's toes. Then in a foolish, stupid move the crowned prince commented on how tomatoes were disgusting vegetables and that only someone with no taste buds would like them or eat them daily. The following day saw a crater where the country had previously stood, and an unspoken agreement by everyone else to never speak a word against that particular vegetable (or fruit, if you want).

The maids had finished tightening Sakura's gown, and she was finally allowed to leave the room. She immediately made a beeline to the dining room, with Anko following right behind her. Well, they didn't really _bee_line, like bees do. Zigzagging through the hallways would be counter productive, after all, and cause raised eyebrows as the princess bounced from one side of the wall to the other, her bodyguard laughing in behind her. Anyway, thanks to the lack of zigzagging the duo arrived at their destination in a timely manner, and were met with a familiar sight. A sight that also informed them the Queen had already passed this way. The spymaster was just managing to remove himself from the hole in the wall the Queen made for him, dust filtering through his white hair. Once he regained his bearings he turned to the newest arrivals.

The spymaster's eyes lit up as soon as he saw them, promising them both that he was going to say something stupid. Jiraiya didn't disappoint. "Sakura-hime! Anko-chan! Have you written your wills yet?"

A punch from Anko almost sent him flying through another wall. One for the fact he tried to scare her charge, the other for adding '-chan' to her name, because no self-respecting knight allowed _anyone_ to add something like _that_ to their name. Sakura watched in amusement as he fell to the floor in a daze before finally passing out. By the time he woke up both women were just finishing their final meal in the castle before they set out to Tomato Country.

"I was only speaking out of concern for our beloved princess," he defended himself belatedly. Anko snorted loudly. "I've been there-" Anko scoffed louder and Sakura smothered her giggles at the bodyguard's antics, "-I know what a horrible place it is. Every single citizen is a trained assassin from the age of ten, and they can smell fear. Their king is a horribly ugly demon-child with glowing red eyes, from numerous experiments the royal family has performed on themselves to become immortal. And worst of all," here he paused dramatically, "they're vegetarians."

Sakura paled. Beside her, even Anko looked queasy. This was something they hadn't heard before, and the humour of the situation was lost at the last point of the Jiraiya's speech. "You had better hope you're lying." The bodyguard told him emotionlessly, reminding all that she was trained to dispose of anyone in her way. Or if they got in between her and her dango… or her sake, or her bed, or the washroom, or her swords, etc.

"Why?" Even though he was the best spymaster in the world, Jiraiya wasn't very smart. After all, testing two people capable of destroying you in under a minute was generally frowned upon. (Not that anyone, besides Jiraiya, was stupid enough to test that theory.)

Anko was now smiling sweetly, which usually meant she was going to say something that would result in you disappearing as fast as you could. "Because Sakura-hime's going to tell her parents. You know what Tsunade-sama said she'd do to you if you scared Sakura-hime again. I doubt the king will be very happy, either.

What exactly Tsunade would do him, we do not know. Most people knew to clear the room whenever the queen pulled rank on her spymaster, physically reminding him that she was in charge and did not appreciate him scaring her daughter. Staying, after all, was pretty much guaranteed to be bad for one's health. The king, on the other hand, tended to show his displeasure in more subtle ways. By quietly ordering all the bathhouses in the country to close, for example. The Killing Intent felt in the room, despite the fact Dan had still been smiling, was more than enough to make most pause. It was understandable, then, that Jiraiya quickly went about making himself scarce.

Anko steered Sakura towards the entrance, muttering about stupid spymasters. Having no evidence contradicting those comments, Sakura listened to the knight, grateful for the distraction. The next hour passed by far too quickly for Sakura's taste (as she wanted to savour every moment she had left at home). The Queen sent her off with wave and promises to write when she remembered to. Dan hugged his daughter tightly and whispered that would keep Tsunade away from the sake, and to take care of herself. Anko, moaning about how sappy this entire thing was, ended up picking up Sakura and throwing her into the carriage (the latest design, as of this morning).

Soon the landscape drifted by, and Sakura sat on her perch beside Anko, who was driving, having moved from the confines of the coach. Her bodyguard made the trip eventful with bouts of road rage against carts and other carriages that cut her off on the street- resorting to throwing pebbles at the drivers some times. It did a remarkably good job of keeping Sakura's spirits up. There was no one else travelling with them. There was no need: Anko was fully trained and down right lethal, and Sakura was no slouch in a fight either. The two could hold their own. And Katsuya was very well regarded for its safe roads. Not as safe as Konoha, to the East, but safe enough not to have to worry about it. Of course, no one had any idea what the crime rate was like in Tomato Country, so the princess would have to rely on her bodyguard until the 'safe' hit satisfactory levels, if it ever did.

They stopped only when it was too dark to travel, and Sakura's fears came back full-force under the cover of night. A fire flickered lazily between them, casting dark shadows on the now-suspicious white bunny hopping about the equally suspicious flower patch, with the creepy yellow butterflies floating about in a flirtatious manner that suggested they were spies of some sort. Anko told ghost stories. Which made Sakura feel _so _much better; seeing how most of them starred the king she was going to marry.

~***~

After 2 weeks, 4 days, 11 hours, 47 minutes and 56 seconds of travel- according to Sakura, who kept close track of her final moments of freedom- the princess and her knight entered Tomato Country. The difference was immediate; like night and day, white and black, light and dark, books and TV. The moment they crossed the border the spring flowers seemed to disappear, replaced with leafless trees and dead shrubbery littering the path. An overcast sky added even more shadows to the strange, alien landscape of hills and cliffs. Leaves every shade of red through yellow coated the ground, crunching eerily as the carriage rolled over them. Even Anko paused to glance back at the forest they'd just left, that seemed to end in a perfect line, the butterflies, flowers, trees, sun, blue sky and bunny waving goodbye, then back to the front where heavy fog was curling and floating above the ground and air was so much heavier. "Okay," the knight started, placing a dango stick in her mouth, "that's just cool."

They travelled in silence now, as something about the place seemed to drain the good mood that they'd managed to develop on the way there. While no one had ever been to Tomato Country, its borders were well-known: after all if you knew where not to step you were less likely to enter the place where no one ever returned. Though, Sakura would have thought that people would be smart enough to leave the country that even spring choose to skip well alone. Then again, common sense seemed to be a rare occurrence nowadays...

It took another 6 days to reach the capital city. The various towns they passed through were forever silent and still. Windows were tightly shuttered, and the chilly breeze that picked up when they crossed the border grew colder with every quiet house they passed. It was Anko who suggested they just camp out, and Sakura agreed without pause. Not that she slept a wink anyways, and neither did Anko's sword ever leave her hand, even in sleep. In fact, that curious deer was lucky that the knight didn't behead it when it started nibbling on Anko's hair. Poor thing nearly suffered a heart attack when Anko gripped its antlers and threw it down to the ground, her sword halting half an inch from the creature's neck as she woke up more fully and realized that the animal hadn't been attacking them. It stood a little shakily, twitching every so often, even after Sakura had healed it, still white as snow from the surprise. The princess got the impression of someone with swirly eyes and knees clattering together.

After seeing the deer off, the two could find no reason not to continue their journey. Well, Sakura most certainly could, but Anko replied that none of them were good enough to prevent Tsunade from pummelling them into the ground if they turned around before even meeting the King. Therefore, the purple-haired knight concluded, they would just have to meet the king _then_ hightail it out of there. With their goals set, the travelling began once more.

The capital city surrounded the palace in an outward circle, and the city was surrounded with a wall thicker than Sakura was tall. Within the walls were houses similar to the homes in the towns and villages they'd passed in the countryside. All of them were closed and dark, and the fine mist that had greeted them that morning was, by now, a downpour. Thunder crackled menacingly overhead, and the lightning flashed in sheets over the whole sky. Anko was cursing from the driver's seat on the irony of it all. Sakura was in the coach quickly preparing the cold medicine the knight would need later, having already finished mending the raincoats they would also need. During the moments Sakura paused in her work and glanced out of the glass, she swore she saw eyes peering out from the cracks in the shutters and doors, watching the carriage clatter slowly down the street. Closing the curtains, she retrieved some of the daggers her father had hidden for her in the coach, feeling a little safer only when they were securely tucked away on her person.

Ahead of them was the palace, looming ominous and dark against the stormy sky. It was built of dark grey stone and the windows carved into the walls seemed to absorb what little light made it through the clouds. Even from where the two were looking at it, in what appeared to be a market square, it was foreboding. Worse than The Annual New Years celebrations in Katsuya, where every adult got drunk and the property damages to castle were immense, despite Dan's numerous attempts to control the problem. He'd failed miserably in the past and no one was betting it would change. Tsunade, after all, led the drunken crowds in their partying.

Within a matter of minutes Anko had managed to drive right into the courtyard of the palace, dead and deserted like the rest of the country. There was no gate keeping anyone out, which was odd. The wall around the courtyard was even thicker than the first wall of the city, decorated symmetrically on each side with empty watchtowers and winged mythical beasts carved right into the wall. The empty eyes of the gargoyles glared balefully down at them, without the covertness of the people in the town. However, they were also covered in bird droppings that managed to make them much less threatening. Sakura somehow found herself more at ease than she'd been in the town. To the right, she noticed with a frown, part of the wall was coming apart. There was a hole at least the size of her carriage, perhaps larger- it was partially hidden by the castle from her angle. She tsked under her breath. It was dangerous to have such vulnerabilities in one's defences.

The horses were, surprisingly enough, calm and steady as the Knight pulled them to a stop. Sakura lightly leapt from the coach; one hand holding an umbrella over her head, and the other expertly keeping her petticoats out of the puddles. It was a skill all ladies of nobility somehow mastered before they could walk. Anko was still baffled by the concept of dresses, however, so there was no one to rate the jump. In the back of her mind, the princess wondered if anyone would notice the knives she had hidden in her corset, on her legs and up her sleeves. Certainly nobody back home ever did, except Anko and her mother. Or, she thought as she looked at the deserted courtyard, if she never showed up. They obviously weren't expecting anyone. She shook her head miserably and cursed whoever had first thought up arranged marriages.

The knight finished putting the horses into the open stable. The carriage was left in the open, currently hiding Sakura as she fiddled with the wooden stake secreted in her dress (just in case, you know). Anko returned, raincoat soaked and purple hair practically flat, shaking like a dog to remove the excessive water as she moved beside Sakura and, more importantly, under the umbrella. The swords-woman was cursing under her breath in a way that would have had Jiraiya blushing if he ever heard it; however, Sakura had known Anko since she was a young girl and Anko just a squire. She was, therefore, unaffected by the crude language.

"Jeez, can they be any ruder?" Her bodyguard was muttering, "They didn't even send a servant to greet us. Guess we just barge in." Sakura wasn't so sure about the wisdom of that, or about Anko's sanity, but nevertheless followed her into the place. The doors were unlocked and swung open with a simple push, clanging loudly against the interior wall, leading Sakura to think that perhaps she was expected after all. No ruler, sane or otherwise, left their doors unlocked. Although, considering everything else they'd encountered, Sakura wouldn't have been surprised if the rulers had died or left a long time ago.

The interior of the palace was dark- too dark to see in front of her, almost. Closing her umbrella, but keeping it in hand, neither she nor her guardian bothered removing their rain cloaks. They kept to the walls, and Sakura jumped every time her foot hit the marble floor, sending echoes through the granite halls. She edged close to Anko, fingering one of the daggers hidden in her gown. The hallway lightened considerably several steps in, courtesy of a small lamp that lay, abandoned, in a corner. Anko picked it up gingerly, wary of traps, and swung it around to illuminate more of the hall. Sakura gasped softly at the result. The hallway was made of polished stone, and was covered from floor to arched ceiling with intricate carvings. Statues lined the floor at every convenient interval. The creatures depicted ranged from winged elves and pegasi to more traditional beasts like dragons and winged tengu. But they were all carved in the same style; with sharp-edges and smooth curves that contrasted in ways both beautiful and strange. Sakura had never seen anything quite like it before. Not in any of the famous, wealthy or antique art displays and museums she had visited in her life.

As they passed yet another griffin, the silence evidently proved too much for Anko, who had never gone so much as five minutes without talking before. Not even at official functions. Although she very rarely got invited to one of those. For obvious reasons. With a deadpan Sakura hadn't known the knight possessed, Anko commented, very seriously: "I wonder if these guys have a fetish for wings, or something." The question echoed through out the hall for several seconds. Sakura fought to keep the grin off her face as Anko's face gained a pensive expression. The dango stick she was chewing on flicked up and down.

They stopped at a large oak door, covered in the same ornate designs (as well as smudges of ash). Sakura glanced at Anko, motioning her to open the door. The knight rolled her eyes before edging it open silently and peering through. Sakura waited patiently, watching her guardian closely for signs of something bad being on the other side. But Anko's face remained expressionless.

"There are people in there," she mouthed to her princess as she backed away from the crack slightly.

"Let me see," Sakura mouthed back, crouching to peer in as well. Her petticoats were silent even as she shifted for a better view. Inside the room were two figures, one rather short and the other medium-sized, standing next to a throne where another figure was seated. The throne itself was surprisingly close to the door- the room was at least half the size of Katsuya's. Probably, she thought, because they never entertained guests. Sakura couldn't make out any of them out from the door, since this room was as dark as the hall and they couldn't risk shining the lamp into it. They were talking quietly, and Sakura had to strain to hear what they were saying.

"But, this time it will work," The shortest of the trio was saying, exasperation clear in his voice.

"Yeah, when we catch him, he'll be sorry he ever messed with us." The short figure's companion added casually. This was followed by a muffled crunching that made Sakura think of Jiraiya's eating habits.

"And how exactly are you going to do that?" The figure on the throne sounded irritated and bored. "Annoy him to death?"

The duo paused, perhaps thinking about that. "We could always give him to Orochimaru." The tallest figure suggested. There was a silence after this comment and Sakura wondered who this 'Orochimaru' was.

"Are you sure that's wise?" The shortest figure questioned. "He's dangerous enough as it is. We don't need the resident mad scientist trying things out on him."

"True…" The figure on the throne said thoughtfully. "But if worst comes to worst we can always set him loose on the next country that annoys us." All three figures chuckled evilly at that, and Sakura had gone white as a sheet. Tomato Country was turning out _exactly _like the rumours said. Anko leaned close to whisper in her ear.

"Let's just back up quietly and leave before they notice us. We're skipping to part B of the plan. I'm sure your mother will understand." Sakura nodded, and slowly moved away from the door. One of her daggers was in hand, though the lace of her sleeves prevented its gleaming edge from being seen. Unfortunately, she happened to step on a squeaky board

In a heartbeat the door was open and she was face to face with the two standing figures. Anko had her sword out and had shoved Sakura, dagger in hand, behind her. Sakura got into a defensive position and looked the men straight in the eyes. A mistake, she immediately decided, as this allowed her to see that their eyes both shined a hellish crimson. Sakura's face went pale as all the blood drained from it, and she promptly fainted.

~***~

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	2. Con 2

Yay! The first/second chapter of Pros and Cons of An Arranged Marriage. The prologue was way too long to be considered a prologue so it's now chapter 1 as well. Same warnings apply.

Warnings: AU, Potential OOC-ness, Subtle references, Blunt references, spoilers, SasukexSakura, TsunadexDan, Crack, and … that actually sums it up nicely. Summary: Because, in the end, Sakura knew she should have run the moment her mother informed her of her engagement to king of Tomato Country. AU, SakuxSasu, Crack.

**The Pros and Cons of An Arranged Marriage**

Chapter 1: Con 2: "What do you mean I'm getting married?"

Sasuke was not in a good mood as he leaned back into his chair. He ran a hand through raven-black hair, sighing quietly. The day had started out with a huge stack of paperwork to be completed (that had promptly fallen on him). The north wall had been destroyed when one of Orochimaru's guinea pigs escaped (again). As he was taking care of repairs for that, he'd been informed by Shisui that he'd been engaged for a month (Shisui had 'forgotten' to tell him earlier) and that his fiancée was due to arrive that day. And then he found out that they were all out of chocolate covered tomatoes. The day could not get away worse.

Naturally, just as he came to that grim conclusion, the lights went out. Sasuke bit back a sigh, too depressed to be alarmed, and instinctively activated his eyes before realizing it was just Yondaime again. He left his eyes on, though, since glowing red eyes were just too cool not to turn on at every opportunity. Besides, with his eyes' ability to detect magic he'd be able to sense the ghost coming and hopeful dodge whatever pranks it had come up with this time.

Giving his paperwork one last glance and deciding that this was a good enough excuse to leave it, Sasuke stood up, straightened his chair, and left the room. In the hallways were packs of servants either running full-tilt in search of the Ghost or meeting in corners to discuss capture strategies. Sasuke dodged an unusually confused-looking servant (must be new) and headed directly for the throne room.

As soon as he sat down on his black marble throne (stuffed to overflowing with scarlet cushions), he felt better. His brother had had the chair custom-made and, despite his numerous complaints about said brother, the guy had good taste. It made him feel prepared for whatever would happen next, despite experience whispering in his ear that nothing involving the Ghost ever ended well.

Said ghost chose precisely that moment to float leisurely into the room, grinning evilly and holding a pair of pliers. He'd been king of some distant country until he'd died, and for some reason he had chosen to haunt _their _palace. Right behind him were Orochimaru, head of the research facilities, and several maids trying to hit the ghost with feather dusters (rather unsuccessfully). The ghost continued merrily through the next wall, causing his pursuers to crash into it. The king winced in sympathy. Not everybody was blessed with night vision.

As the now-dazed pursuers located the nearest door and continued the chase, Sasuke's two most loyal servants (self-proclaimed) entered the room. Obito, his head general and moral raiser for the soldiers (both official and otherwise) had a black patch over one eye and spiky black hair. In one hand he held a bucket of KFC chicken and in the other he held the drumstick he was munching on. Shisui, barely a few centimeters taller then Sasuke, bowed politely. When Obito just continued eating, he stood on his tiptoes, put a hand on the general's head, and made him bow. Obito scowled at him. In general, they were getting along as well as two Uchiha could. Orochimaru should have been there, but he was slightly dazed from running into the wall and had left with the maids, presumably to continue the chase. Which was a perfectly legitimate reason to miss a meeting, as far as Sasuke was concerned.

"Status report?" Sasuke asked pointedly, breaking up a potential fight.

"Well-" Shisui was cut off by another figure entering the room.

"Can we help you, Kabuto?" Sasuke didn't like Orochimaru's assistant much. The silver-haired man kept insisting that he should eat something other than tomatoes. Some kind of health freak or something.

"Orochimaru-sama asked me to deliver the research and development report, since he's busy at the moment." He leafed through the sheets he was holding. "Five of the experiments died today –we've taken care of them, but he thought you'd want to know. I think you know about the north wall already- the Sound Five have been properly chastised. Tayuya wants to order out books on foreign swear words, and Orochimaru-sama's been complaining that many of the machines are out of date."

Sasuke bit back another sigh, headache forming slowly. "We're the most technologically advanced nation in the world and he's the one in charge of keeping it that way. How could the machines be out of date?" Kabuto just shrugged, even when faced with the king's blank stare. "I'll talk to him about it later. Meanwhile, tell Orochimaru to stop killing the experiments. We don't have an unlimited supply and other countries will start to get suspicious if their people keep disappearing. Why should I care what Tayuya orders? And tell the Sound Five that if they keep destroying walls I'm forcing them to share a bathroom –Orochimaru's idea of proper chastisement for wanton destruction is to congratulate them on it."

Kabuto made a few notes before bowing and taking his leave. By this time Obito had finished his chicken leg and was muttering something about favoritism toward the research department. He then turned his attention to Sasuke. "Good news! I found the damage report for the west wall."

Sasuke glanced at Obito. "Isn't that wall completely repaired now?"

"Yup." The general seemed quite pleased with himself.

"And you just found the report now? It took two months to repair the wall." Sasuke felt the undying need to rub his temples, something that happened whenever Obito was anywhere near him.

Obito nodded, oblivious to his king's exasperation. Sasuke sighed again and turned to Shisui. "And what do you have to report?"

The supervisor coughed before pulling out a neat stack of papers. "The household servants would like to report that they have come up a way to catch Yondaime (which was what the ghost called himself). The next shipment of tomatoes has arrived, and some of the servants want to take a course in electricity."

Sasuke nodded. That would be helpful. He wasn't optimistic about this plan they'd come up with, though. He didn't hesitant to say so, either. "Haven't you come up with plans before? And haven't they all ended disastrously?" If Sasuke hadn't known him better, he would have thought Shisui pouted a bit at that.

"But, this time it will work!" Which was what he'd said last time. It had taken them months to bail out the ground floor. And the ghost had just laughed at them. It was so bad Sasuke had mused, his pants rolled up to his knees as he assisted in bailing out the floor, that maybe they would luck out and the Ghost would just send himself into a laughing-induced coma for a few years. It didn't happen, of course. They never got that lucky.

"Yeah, and when we catch him, he'll be sorry he ever messed with us!" Obito surprised the other two, who thought he'd fallen asleep on his feet again, by chiming in. Actually, the last time Obito had fallen asleep during a conversation was at a Convention for Knights, and another knight had taken offence to the snoring. Luckily, or unluckily, Obito was saved by his instincts as he defiantly dodged the blows raining on him. While still asleep. He ended up taking home second place for the 'Most Surprising Skills' category (having lost to a youngster who tore apart the bar when someone gave him some sake).

"And how are you going to do that? Annoy him to death?" Obito had actually done this before, but seeing as it was the ghost they were talking about Sasuke didn't think it would work. In fact, the ghost would probably end up annoying _Obito _to death, as strange a thought that was. That, or they'd both discover that had a lot in common and team up to annoy other people. That was a scary thought.

"We could give him to Orochimaru," Obito suggested, probably the best idea he'd had all day. It had merit, Sasuke mused. If anyone could harm a ghost, Orochimaru could.

"Are you sure that's wise?" As usual, it was Shisui who dashed what small hope his relatives had managed to acquire into ridiculously small pieces, and then stomped on them. "He's dangerous enough as it is, we don't need the resident mad scientist trying things out on him."

"True…" Despite that Shisui was dashing his hopes to pieces, Sasuke had to admit that a Yondaime after Orochimaru got his hands on him could be frightening. And he didn't have the best track record of keeping his subjects from escaping. "But if worst comes to worst we can always set him loose on the next country that annoys us." Or the Hyuuga compound. They were always annoying, always acting like they were better than anyone else just because they didn't belong to a kingdom. And they didn't like tomatoes. Sasuke wouldn't mind dumping the ghost on them and then watching them as their lives degenerate into chaos.

Suddenly Sasuke heard the floorboard he had had loosened outside his throne room squeak, indicating someone was outside. Someone who wasn't from the palace, as everyone living in the castle had long ago gotten into the habit of avoiding that step. In an instant, Shisui and Obito activated their eyes and were at the doorway, throwing it open. On the other side were two women, both looking very much like deer caught in headlights.

The older one recovered first, pushing the other behind her and drawing her sword. She had hair and eyes of the same dark violet hue, and for some reason Sasuke thought that should tell him something. Judging by the armour, he guessed she was some sort of soldier, probably the other girl's bodyguard.

The other girl was the one that drew Sasuke's attention. She was clad in an incredibly intricate emerald gown that matched the colour of her eyes perfectly, and her soft pink hair was shaped into a delicate curls. Her jewellery, unlike most noble women (and she was definitely noble) was silver and simple, with a thin chain necklace the only thing around her neck and tiny emeralds hung from her ears with silver clasps. Her makeup was done in such a way that she looked like a porcelain doll- someone Sasuke would meet in the ballroom, not trespassing in his palace during a power outage. She looked at him while her bodyguard and his servants were glaring threateningly at each other, and he was a little confused when her eyes widened in terror. She turned to Shisui and Obito and her eyes widened even further before she gave a small sigh and fainted. Gracefully. Definitely not the breaking and entering type. Again, her appearance _almost_ reminded Sasuke of something. Something important. Was he supposed to be expecting these people?

Upon seeing her charge faint, the bodyguard moved into a defensive position that reminded Sasuke of the snakes Orochimaru kept in his room. The sword had a wicked edge to it, and probably weighed something bit more than average. Obito shifted his sword slightly, and Shisui's hand sparked as he prepared to launch a fireball.

Sasuke decided to sort something out before things got violent. As amusing as it would be to see a fight between Obito, Shisui and the unknown woman, they had only just finished repairing the floor and Sasuke really didn't want it destroyed again so soon. He turned to the bodyguard. "What are you doing in this castle?" He made sure to use his best 'dangerous' voice. He did have a reputation to uphold, after all.

She narrowed her eyes and glared at him, clearly not impressed. "We are here on official business from Katsuya to see the king," She paused, looking him over slightly, "...Shorty."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed in his own glare. Nobody called him Shorty, and didn't the fact he was sitting on the throne kind of indicate that he was the king? He ignored Obito, who was shaking from trying to choke back laughter, and tried to remember if he had planned any official business with Katsuya.

"May we ask why?" Shisui, as usual, didn't even blink. Sasuke thought it was from early overexposure to his brother. He wasn't sure there was anything that could faze either of them. Which was kind of creepy, if you thought about it too hard. Which Sasuke tended to do when he was bored. There was a reason he preferred Obito for non-official business.

The knight rolled her eyes. "Obviously, so Sakura-hime can marry the little brat. Not that I approve, seeing as he's obviously a self-absorbed, arrogant prick from the 'welcome' we've received so far." Right. The arranged marriage. Hadn't he heard that the royal bodyguards in Katsuya tended to have purple hair? This bodyguard clearly lacked tact. Then again, there was light in her eyes that suggested she knew _exactly _what she was doing.

Shisui's eyes narrowed in anger, and only Sasuke's sharp glance stopped him from burning the rude bodyguard to a crisp then and there. Sasuke himself wouldn't have minded, but he wasn't really in the mood to start a war just then. Obito was fast losing the fight not to laugh. Sasuke sighed. From what he'd seen, the princess wouldn't last five minutes in this country. She was far too easily spooked. She'd probably never even been out of her palace before this trip. Maybe they could display her in the throne room.

Though he'd heard that Katsuya's royal family had amazing healing powers. If they could somehow get her used to Orochimaru's lab (a daunting task- you pretty much had to be raised there not to be completely repulsed by the place) she could significantly reduce the casualties. He had also heard that the queen could punch through six walls, not that he believed it. She wasn't from _here_, after all. He was right to be skeptical- Katsuya's queen could punch through _seven _walls. It was her daughter that could punch through six.

"I'll have you know I'm no more self-centered than your precious princess probably is. And I do apologize for the greeting, something came up and I completely forgot that you would be arriving today." Sasuke's mother had made sure both her sons could speak eloquently before she died. It was best to be polite before launching an attack, if only to set the rules of battle.

The bodyguard raised an eyebrow. "Funny. I thought you'd be taller."

Shisui was giving her the darkest glare Sasuke had ever seen –even darker than the one he used to give Sasuke's father. Sasuke decided to give her the worst position possible in the palace. Obito had given up trying not to laugh and was now on the floor laughing uncontrollably.

"Obito." Sasuke said in a withering voice. "Get up."

"Sorry about that Sasuke-chan," Obito managed once he had stopped laughing, not sounding sorry at all. He turned to the bodyguard. "Long time no see Anko-kun, glad to see you still standing." The knight blinked a few times, before her eyes lit up in recognition. Her sword was sheathed faster than Sasuke could blink, and her arms were outstretched and glomping Obito, who returned the glomp.

"Obito-chan! I had no idea you lived in Tomato Country!" She released the Uchiha, grinning. "I was wondering what happened to you after the Convention. You left your chain-mail there." Up on his throne, Sasuke watched with a dry expression as the duo continued their conversation (completely ignorant of the tense atmosphere still built up in the room). He glanced a question at Shisui, who just shrugged, apparently just as baffled.

"...I know this great pub in town. If I buy you a drink, would you show me that backhanded slice you used in your panel? I've been trying to get it right for ages but I keep messing up in the final swing." Obito looked like he'd died and gone to heaven. Sasuke hadn't been aware he'd had an idol. Or that he went to conventions, for that matter.

"Sure. On your tab." The knight nodded. "It can't be better than 'Gamabunta's Pub' in Katsuya, though. Their special can even knock me out. Nothing else can even come close."

"You wanna bet?" Obito had a mischievous grin.

Anko pulled out a new dango stick. "Sure."

Obito picked up his bucket of chicken and followed Anko out of the room, leaving Sasuke and Shisui alone with the princess. They glanced at each other, then at the unconscious girl. The silent, "Well, now what?" resounded in the grand hall.

"I suppose I'll have to file damage reports when they get back." Shisui commented idly. The advisor carefully walked over the body. He crouched down to examine the princess for any injuries, a critical eye viewing the faint calluses on her hands.

"Probably." Sasuke walked over to join his companion. The princess was sprawled in a somehow elegant position, unconsciously keeping to whatever rulebook she had been born with that demanded she do everything gracefully. Honestly, what was Shisui thinking arranging him a marriage with someone who so clearly would not survive a week in this kingdom? Had he been reading fairy tales before he went to bed again? That certainly would explain a lot. "So what do we do with her?"

Silence reigned over the duo as the final echo of the king's question finished ringing throughout the Grand Hall in an overly-dramatic fashion. Sasuke glanced at his supervisor, only to realize that Shisui was thinking hard (if his look of utter confusion was anything to go by). Though not one to point fingers, Sasuke figured that since he hadn't known he was engaged until today and Shisui had made all the arrangements, Sasuke was not at fault for the girl unconscious on the floor. Therefore, Shisui was the one responsible for this mess and should be the one to fix it.

On the other hand, they could also blame the Ghost (because they could), or Obito (who should, after so many years in the palace, know better than to leave himself undefended) or even Sasuke's distant ancestor (who was blamed for all the misfortunate's of his descendants and what was one more thing to add to the list). …Then again, once the Ghost found out what they had attempted to place on his shoulders his pranks on the palace and its inhabitants would triple. Not to mention, in his revenge, Yondaime might take advantage of the fact he was dead and therefore didn't need sleep, in comparison to everyone else who slept like rocks. Due to the same moral and honour-related reasons that would have him angry at being blamed for this, Yondaime had never taken advantage of this fact before. Except for that one time he'd drawn all over the previous king's face while he was sleeping. But everyone agreed that that was just too good an opportunity for _anyone_ to pass up.

And Obito would more than likely start a riot to defend his honour, and _another _civil war would ensue. While a good civil war was all well and good and great entertainment, no one had the resources at the moment to have fruits and vegetables thrown everywhere. It was tough enough cleaning up the streets after the last civil war, and the Clean Up Crew was currently on a well-deserved vacation. You practically could have eaten off the roads by the time the crew had finished.

Which left Madara, and Sasuke couldn't really think of any reasons why blaming him was a bad idea. So, the king decided, this was all now his fault. Not Madara really cared from his lawn chair on the beach. He was in his retirement and enjoying it fully, complete with sunglasses, fans, shorts and ice cold lemonade. In such a state he couldn't be bothered, at this point in time, with the knowledge that he was blamed for every disaster Tomato Country had ever experienced. But we digress.

Sasuke remained silent as Shisui continued his examination of the princess, content with his decision of who to blame. Perhaps because he wasn't thinking to hard about it, and idea occurred to him. "We could always send her back and get a refund. I doubt she wants to be here anyway."

Shisui swiveled his head like an owl to view the king, his prodding forgotten. "No." The statement raised the king's brow, confirming his suspicion that, indeed, Shisui had spent too much time around his brother as a child. Had Sasuke been a different king he might not have let his cousin's tone slide. However, he would need the man's help if he was to consider getting rid of this… thing blocking the floor. He could always get even later. With control only a king (or maybe an Uchiha, or perhaps a combination of the two… insert "Uchiha" in front of the "king" before the brackets) could possess he prevented an evil grin from making its way to his face. "I worked too hard to get this princess for you only to have you return her."

Sasuke twitched slightly at the wording, for good reason. He would have never ordered a princess with pink-hair to begin with. What if it was passed to the children? They'd never live it down. _He _would never live it down. "Then what do you propose we do?" His advisor read in between the lines and bit back his gulp. Sasuke remained quiet, reclining back into his comfy throne (comfy enough to have a committee out to prove that the chair was too comfy for the King to rule from and would impair his judgment. Sasuke had yet to find a half decent excuse to banish them from his country).

"If displaying her in the throne room doesn't pan out we could always put her in one of the forgotten towers in the countryside." The younger Uchiha stared long and hard at his advisor, before sighing deeply. That would work, he supposed, but then he would have to deal with an angry family. And that would just be a pain the butt waiting to spring on him when his back was turned.

The king had been halfway through coming up an excuse to explain to the Queen of Katsuya that there had been a huge misunderstanding when Shisui paused in searching the girl suddenly, eyes wide in a manner that had caught Sasuke's attention. Had the man finally cracked? Sasuke would have continued this train of thought as his advisor, with a deliberate slowness that had everyone holding their breaths and waiting for some monster to pop out and foolishly attack Shisui, he withdrew a dagger hilt from the girl's sleeve.

Sasuke's thoughts trailed off with a sinking feeling as Shisui pulled on the hilt, revealing a paper-thin straight dagger with a length that would make most pause. Tense silence fell on the duo, and Shisui stood up and walked over to Sasuke to pluck a hair from his head (ignoring the following yelp and complaints to use his own hair). The advisor carefully rested the strand against the edge, only for both to watch in morbid fascination as it spilt cleanly in two.

On the other hand, maybe she'd fare better here than they'd originally thought.

* * *

Over in the Royal Vegetable Garden, where the Uchiha gardeners tolled away on raising tomato plants to perfection, thunderclouds were gathered ominously over the Royal Tomato Plant waiting for the gardener's back to be turned. They had been playing this game for three days now. The Uchiha's eyes were bloodshot from the lack of sleep and the thundercloud was starting to catch the attention of the Weather God.

One of them had to give.

The Uchiha blinked.

The thundercloud took a chance.

Lightning struck the Royal Tomato Plant, which first appeared to have survived the strike. The Uchiha laughed, until the tomato plant burst into flames. Then he panicked, "The King's precious Tomato plant! Curse you thundercloud! Don't you have anything better to do than mess with the tomato plant?!" Not that the thundercloud heard, having already dispersed, mischief complete.

Throwing water on the now-charred plant the Uchiha knew there would be no saving it. He called over his assistant, who'd been watching anxiously from the sidelines. "Someone hunt down the Madara and punish him for giving the weather a personality! And I want that thundercloud arrested and charged with disrupting the peace!"

A little ways away two other gardeners watched as their peer ranted and raved, with one of them idly adding a point to the thundercloud's column. Leaving it ahead of the ranting Uchiha's by a good thirty points. The gardener keeping track of the rivalry commented, "You know, that's the third plant this year. The King's going to notice that it's not the _real _Royal Tomato Plant sooner or later."

His partner snorted, "What do you think we should do? Tell the King?" She rested against her shovel, "Another law against lightning is going to be going into affect after this." The ranting Uchiha was now jumping up and down shouting about what he was going to do when he caught that thundercloud, much to the amusement of the other gardeners.

The Score-keeping gardener rolled his eyes, "Yes, because that works so well. As if the Thundercloud actually cares it has a criminal record consisting of 128 charges and 21 arrests. Remember what happened to the jail the last time we caught it?" He winced, "Now come on, we have to go get another Royal Tomato Plant." With that in mind the duo left their peer to his ranting, shovel and scoreboard in hand.

* * *

"You know," Shisui began, eyeing the pile of weapons they had found on the princess, "After secondary thoughts and careful consideration, she may do quite well here." Up on his throne, Sasuke fiddled with one of the daggers they had found, staring intently at the princess. Not the lovey-dovey kind of stare that came from reading way too many romance novels. More like the "Where do I hide the body? The shed's full," kind of stare that came from reading novels of the horror/true crime/espionage genre. As king, Sasuke had made a point of keeping up with the more popular genres among his people.

"What about the broom closet?" Sasuke glanced at Shisui, mulling the suggestion over. The Anti-Ghost brigade would be upset, rightly so, to have an outsider taking over their supplies. But it would only be until they could figure out what to do with her. Maybe the Anti-Ghost brigade might find some use for her. Of course, what would they use an outsider for?

The idea dawned bright in Sasuke's mind, his eyes widening with hope. "Shisui." The sharp tone had the advisor at attention immediately, watching the king as he continued. Disbelief flooded Sasuke. How could he not have thought of this before?

"We can use her to distract the Ghost."

It had never occurred to either of them that the princess might have an opinion about all of this once she woke up.

~ * * * ~


	3. Pro 1

Wow, the next chapter is here. I never realized how difficult it is to write in such a strange manner like I do for PACOAAM. It's very different compared to how I normally write, and thus needs well over three drafts before I am remotely satisfied with the chapter.

Warnings: AU, Potential OOC-ness, Subtle references, Blunt references, spoilers, SasukexSakura, TsunadexDan, and Crack. Summary: Because, in the end, Sakura knew she should have run the moment her mother informed her of her engagement to the king of Tomato Country. AU, SakuxSasuxSaku ('cause I'm not sure whose dominate), Crack.

**The Pros and Cons of An Arranged Marriage**

Chapter 2: Pro 1:

"I'm going to rip his sanity away from him- and enjoy it."

Had she been drunk last night?

Honestly, had she? Her head was pounding like it had the morning after her 16th birthday bash – which had been organized by her mother, which explained the alcohol. Sakura would never forget that morning; head buried under a pillow, curtains closed and threats to murder whoever entered more loudly than necessary. It had given her a whole new respect for her mother's (frequent) hangovers. Not that this newfound respect would stop Sakura from walking about her mother's room after such parties; heels she reserved particularly for such occasions clicking loudly against the marble floor. This lack of sympathy, of course, she'd picked up from the maids.

Sakura's fond reminiscing was cut off as her memories about the arranged marriage caught up to her. Right. She wasn't at home anymore. Much as she wished that was the case and the previous few weeks were just a nightmare, Sakura had been raised to be more pragmatic than that. Sakura sighed and glanced around; realizing for the first time that the room was inexplicably dark. She blinked twice to confirm that her eyes were indeed open. Then sighed again.

It wasn't enough that she had entered the creepy/pretty hallway with a lamp that appeared from nowhere. Or that she had afterward stupidly followed her kick-ass-moron of a knight _deeper_ into said creepy/pretty hallway to an even darker doorway, only to find out that the rumours (from a different rumour mill than Tsunade's that Sakura also didn't know about) were true. The rulers of Tomato Country were demons, and had now stuck her in what was no-doubt some deep, dark interrogation chamber (which, in retrospect, shouldn't have been that surprising. They _were _going to be her in-laws after all). She could have gotten over all of that, save for one small detail.

_She had fainted._

Sakura doubted her mother would be very pleased when she heard the news. In fact, Sakura wouldn't put it past her mother to leave the court dramatically and come marching over to deliver her thoughts on the matter. And once Tsunade finished tanning her daughter's hide (under the guise of training) for disrespecting the family name, she would go after Anko for what had happened afterwards. Whatever _had_ happened. Then again, this might work in her favor. If her first impression was bad enough, Tomato Country might drop the marriage.

She shifted, and a moment of stunned silence fell as she realized something pertaining to the plot. The princess blinked for the umpteenth time, trying to confirm that, yes, her future in-laws had bound and gagged (as her screams of outrage were muffled) her. Now, she could've understood guards. She was even sympathetic to the notion of a cell (pending the aforementioned interrogation). But this… they _had _to have noticed that she was of royal stock. And people simply did not tie up nobles. They left them free to stalk dramatically across their cell in an appropriately disgusted fashion. It was a universally accepted unwritten rule of war (and peace) conduct. She would really have to make the King of Tomato Country aware of this misstep. Wiggling to the best of her abilities, which was rather difficult, Sakura carefully pressed her arm against her corset. Then stopped, and all but growled.

There should have been some pressure from one of the knives her father had given her. Another twist; two knives missing in her sleeves. The one against her back was gone as well. Several twists later had Sakura very upset to learn all of her babies were missing. The finest blacksmiths in all of Katsuya had carefully crafted the set of daggers at her father's request, to be companions to her weapon of choice. Said weapon was far too bulky to carry into court (she had tried once, but the looks of sheer terror from the visitors and her father's quiet request she put it back in her room forced her to return it to its place by her armoire. Her mother had been proud, though).

Even though they weren't her weapons of choice, she loved those knives. They'd become her babies; her precious, lovable pieces of metal enabling her to defend herself in any situation. And if there were one unexplainable scratch on her babies she was going to string the Tomato Royals by their thumbs and lower them down into a pool of starved sharks…

But first, she had to escape from wherever it was they had stuffed her. And the first step to that was shifting into a position that would allow her to stand with tied feet. As one might imagine it was not the easiest thing in the world to do, and in her struggle Sakura managed to knock over something. Which landed on something else, knocking _it_ over. This continued for a while. Several objects hit Sakura, and more kicked up dust clouds that set her to coughing. Horsehairs brushed against her arms. A moment of stunned silence ensued as the realization of exactly where she was dawned.

She, the Heiress to Katsuya, raised in some of the finest courts of the land, was stuck in a broom closet.

Sakura took a deep breath, and nearly had a coughing fit, and tried to calm herself. Surely there was a reason for this. The situation was simply ridiculous – surely no one would pull a stunt like this without a very good reason. But the more she thought about it, more she drew a blank on just what that reason could be. The people in this country were obviously completely insane. And, slowly, Sakura began to get angry. Not the impulsive anger she'd had before, when she'd realized her knives were missing. That was, really, only annoyance and it would have passed as soon as she'd gotten them back. No, this went deeper. She had come to foster peace between their countries – not because she wanted to, but because it was best for everyone involved. And they had spit in the face of that, and tossed her aside. Humiliated her. Sakura felt a cold fire take root in her chest, and her hands clenched so tightly they drew little drops of blood.

For Haruno Sakura was a woman scorned.

And she would have her vengeance.

Oh yes, vengeance indeed. Sakura wondered whether her mother would rethink her peace strategy when she heard about this. Failing that, well… She was to be married to this king. Perhaps she could tear them down from the inside. He was would learn what a vendetta was up front and personal. Granted, she had to escape first. She could arrange the details of her plan afterward. If she hadn't been so thoroughly gagged Sakura would have smirked.

Alright, in order of priority, she had to get out of this closet, free her bonds, retrieve her daggers and then plan her revenge. Or just skip to that last point. Whatever made her feel better. Actually, and here Sakura paused… where was Anko anyway? Why hadn't she protested throwing Sakura into a closet? Perhaps they had thrown her into a closet too.

Her musings were cut off suddenly when she heard footsteps nearby. Outside the door, presumably. There was a click, then Sakura had to squint at the light that flooded the room.

Conversation between the three servants at the door trailed off as they stared at her staring back. A stunned moment passed, and Sakura regained her bearings first. She resumed her attempts to escape in full force, complete with shifting back and forth, muffled shouting and failed attempts to stand. Emerald eyes flashed viridian in anger, in a manner that promised someone pain.

The grins of the servants fell and the one who opened the door leaned sideways, comically, toward the others. All of them kept their eyes trained on Sakura. In a failed attempt at whispering low enough for Sakura not to hear, the door servant spoke, "What is _that_ doing here?"

"That" twitched and halted in her attempts for freedom, watching the exchange. The other servant and the other-other the servant both shrugged, apparently as baffled by the bound princess as Sakura herself was.

"Think if we close the door and open it again, it'll be gone?" The door servant shrugged at the other-other servant's question and Sakura didn't get a chance to shake her head frantically before the door servant slammed the door shut. The force of which, by the way, was enough to knock loose a bucket that had previously been hanging over Sakura's head.

She never saw it coming.

_PACOAAM:Chapter 2: Pro 1:_

There was just something about annoying the Hell out of the royal family living in this castle that was very… enjoyable. Just watching them run around like they had no heads because the power was out was amusing.

Minato rolled his shoulders. Who would have thought that being a spiritual mass (currently in the only place which could condense his soul) could still leave him with a sore neck? Especially considering the fact that there was nothing that could be sore. This should have been a perk of being dead. Instead, it turned out all his years of hunching over paper had given him eternal stiffness. Yet another reason to contemplate the easy way of getting his formal council to "disappear."

The thought occupied his mind for a grand total of five seconds, before he moved on to the next prank in store. Yes, there would have to be a cool down period from this one. But then something would have to happen to spice the place up again. After all Tomato Country just wasn't the same without the boy king being driven mad.

Actually, all of these practical jokes brought back childhood memories of when he'd been the bane of Konoha's immaculate lifestyle. The moment he'd stepped on the throne he'd made it clear to everyone that he was not going to be your typical ruler. Konoha had become stagnant as far as he was concerned, and that needed to change. And so Minato had never been content to do anything the old way when he could figure out a new way to do it. This creative streak of his, lasting all the way to until his death, had often tarnished the 'proud traditions of the kingdom.' Of course, Konoha then proceeded to lead the way in just about everything (except technology) and most countries envied Konoha for its military prowess. He'd been a good king, he thought. The Council didn't dare do anything against such a popular leader – ah, the wonders of a partially democratic system. He'd instituted that, too, since on the whole he liked the populace's input better than his council's.

Unfourtunately, now he had no way to express his creativity productively. Furthermore his pranking skills had only increased with his death. Something about being incorporeal lent itself very well to efficient troublemaking. And what was a good prank without someone who would over-react?

How lucky had he been to find an entire country full of people who would over-react _and_ who'd been a major annoyance when he was king? Extremely lucky - and he was never one to overlook an opportunity when it came knocking. Even if the castle of Tomato Country disagreed with his outlook.

Having passed through his (not-so) secret passageway, he breezed through the floor to his room. To all intents and purposes, he was currently invisible. This was a trick those Uchiha hadn't yet figured out he had, much to his amusement. Minato would have thought the way he always knew _exactly_ how to counter whatever new plan they came up with would give away this talent, but this was apparently not the case. Turning slightly, he tossed his pliers on a rack. They landed perfectly into place- it had taken longer than he cared to admit to nail that trick down.

Side-stepping the low-table and minding the various plants in their baskets, Minato pulled at the curtain covering a part of the wall in his room. Sapphire silk (stolen from Sasuke's personal collection given to him by his brother- who Minato owed a favour to for telling him the combination to said personal collection) pulled away dramatically to show a bulletin board covered with a complete map- including secret passages, not-so secret passages, and the local weather patterns of a particularly annoying fugitive thundercloud- of Tomato Castle and surrounding city.

He had similar maps for every other country on the continent, but they hadn't given him nearly as much grief as Tomato Country. Oh yes, that Madara-character had crashed his birthday party _and_ coronation celebration (though Minato would be the first to admit those Bloody Mary's were excellent) and left the party with embarrassing photos both times. Then the bloody Uchiha refused to give them back. Instead, Minato discovered a few days later that his girlfriend had found an innocent looking parcel on her doorstep. And the first of the pictures she found when she opened that package was the one with him and a belly dancer.

Yeah.

That had been awkward to explain.

Wincing at that memory, a faint feminine cry of outrage before an act of violence echoing in his mind, he turned to grab a pen from a nearby table. Only to freeze when a flash of green winked in the corner of his eye. That wasn't right. The colour scheme of this room was purely blue. Slightly different tones and shades of blue, but blue all the same. Everything was either wood or blue. Blue or wood. There was no green.

He turned around slowly to kind that the green belonged to a pair of emerald eyes, burning holes into him like he had done something exceedingly stupid. Placed on the couch between two bookshelves, bound and gagged and very much ready to kill something, was a woman. A woman with pink-hair, wearing a green gown of the finest material that all but screamed 'Outsider! Outsider right here!' That, and the fact no one in Tomato Country had pink hair. Actually, Minato hadseen the most recent population survey and emerald eyes hadn't made it either.

So. There was an Outsider with a hair and eye colour not seen in Tomato Country with what was likely a very expensive dress in his tower. He'd definitely missed a memo. Probably the one last week when he had been too busy conspiring with the Thundercloud to bother with whatever redundant strategy the Uchiha came up with. Naturally, that was when they came up with a curve ball.

About time.

Of course, there was still a strange outsider sitting on his couch. And the only interesting thing he'd heard involving outsiders recently was an arranged marriage. One between Sasuke and a princess from Katsuya, not that Minato thought Sasuke would be able to handle a member of that headstrong country. His brother had probably been wise to leave the country. Otherwise he would be the one entering this comedy.

Actually, when was that princess suppose to arrive?

But even Sasuke wasn't stupid enough to tick off a female from Katsuya, let alone one from the royal family. If they hadn't changed since when he was alive, their females dominated whatever court they ruled over and had a reputation for exacting vengeance. There were rumours of dragon blood being involved. Why, his girlfriend had hailed from Katsuya now that he thought about it…

Hang on. Princess of Katsuya. Suppose to arrive any day now. Chances that someone remembered to tell Sasuke of his engagement were slim. The most likely plan of action when an outsider showed up claiming to be his fiancé: hide her.

Figures.

The Uchiha had such ridiculous notions regarding the fairer sex it was a wonder they hadn't died out yet. To say nothing of their opinions about outsiders. Minato sighed and materialized into his favourite form: one that allowed him to perform physical actions while still retaining his awesome ghost skills. Like floating, as he was doing now. He didn't want to brag, but he looked really cool when he floated. He stood in front of the girl, who stared at him with none of the fear the inhabitants of the castle held for him. This confirmed, in his mind, his current theory on who the girl was. "Promise me you won't shout, or I won't remove the gag."

Pink hair flew in all directions from the force of her nodding, not that Minato blamed her for such a reaction. "Don't bite my head off." Leaning away, as if expecting her to breathe fire (which wasn't too far-fetched for some royalty), he gently pulled the gag off.

The girl breathed deeply and growled, "Untie me so I can go and kill that _boy_."

Minato blinked at the sheer amount of rage emanating from the petite girl, wondering where on earth it fit in her tiny body. "What?" It shouldn't have been possible. Maybe she hid it in her arms. What was it he'd heard about Katsuya royalty's arms? Emerald pools glared up at him, though their anger was directed at someone else (he hoped). "Ehh..."

An hour later had the ghost and his now-untied guest sitting together at the low table. The princess had come close to screaming more than once and ripping apart the blue pillow clutched tightly in her hands. Minato had listened patiently (his girlfriend had taught him well) to the rant of how a princess of her caliber should not be treated like a broom and if that king knew what was good for him he'd call off the wedding and send her home so she could retrieve her army. Deciding to serve tea to the princess before she could go into more detail had been a wise idea. So had the cookies, since Minato had long since learned cookies made everything better.

"So… you fainted?" The girl bowed her head in shame, right hand idly grabbing a cookie. "And woke up in a broom closet." A nod. "With your handmade daggers, crafted just for you, stolen. And you want revenge?"

"Yes." The princess reached for another cookie. "These are delicious, by the way."

Minato smiled sheepishly, "Thank you, they're a family recipe. And, unfortunately for your plans, regular mutiny doesn't work here. The king and his clan are crazy." He paused here. "No, that's not right. They're… they're _differently normal_."

Emerald eyes blinked in confusion. "Differently normal?" She gingerly wiped away some crumbs with a napkin, another skill that had been bred into royalty. (She was fairly certain it came her father's second cousin once removed, but her mother's great-aunt on her father's side did have a similar condition so it was truly a toss-up as to where exactly the skill had come from There were a few unconventional thinkers who suggested that such skills were _learned_, but this idea hadn't quite caught on in the educated circles.)

Minato nodded and grabbed a cookie for himself, "Yes. It's hard to describe. I suppose you could say that things considered quite bizarre in the rest of the world are commonplace here. For example, there are no rumour mills in Tomato Country. They have a Grapevine. Which is an actual grapevine that spans the entire country and can, apparently, speak. They also have an arrest warrant out for a thundercloud, and just last month we had about a thousand china dolls come to life. They, uh, were trying to take over."

The girl reacted about the same way most outsiders did when he told them this. He himself had had similar thoughts when he first arrived (then he'd adjusted and, well lets just say the castle hadn't been the same since). "That's… what kind of marriage have I gotten myself into?"

"One of a kind." This hadn't reassured her like Minato had hoped it would. "However," She perked up, "because of their strangeness it means you can get away with things you couldn't in other countries. It also leaves them open to a number of pranks and other forms of retaliation, and I would be honoured to assist you in your revenge." In fact, this was just what he needed- who better to drive Sasuke mad than his fiancé?

"You will?" Gloomy eyes brightened as if the girl had been presented with a brand new weapon.

"Of course!" Minato nodded sagely, "Throwing a Lady into a closet is rude and uncalled for. Let alone taking away someone's daggers-" Quickly making himself solid enough that the girl didn't fly through into the floor, Minato found his arms full of a happy teenager. Who promptly glanced up in shock.

"I never introduced myself." She pulled away nearly as quickly as she'd leapt towards him, and straightened. A bit dazed at the sheer speed of the change, he managed to regain his bearings in time to see the princess bow deeply, "I am Haruno Sakura, Princess of Katsuya. Please, call me Sakura."

He returned the bow, though slightly higher than hers. "I am Namikaze Minato, former Yondaime of Konoha. And I would be honoured if you would call me Minato."

"Minato-san." She grinned brightly, "Shall we drive them mad?"

Laughing, he replied, "They're already mad, remember? We're just going to… add to the confusion. What we can start with is their pride. Uchiha are very sensitive about this so we have to stomp on it, smother it really, until they're catatonic. And they _will _sometimes go catatonic. It is the only way to truly get back at an Uchiha."

"That sounds very… harsh." Sakura took a bite of her cookie and washed it down with tea. "I like it."

The ghost nodded, an evil grin spreading on his face, "Alright, then. Uchiha take a great deal of pride in what they wear, Sakura-san. So we can start with their wardrobe…"

_PACOAAM:Chapter 2: Pro 1:_

For the last week or so the castle had been quiet. Obito and Anko had begun a country-wide tour of the bars and taverns in hopes that they would find the one drink that could actually knock someone out in one swing. A Holy Grail, they had called it. Sasuke figured he didn't want to know. Shisui was locked away in his office- it being the tax season and not even the Tomato Castle was exempt from taxes. No one mentioned the odd coincidence that Shisui had recently been heard taking a tone with the King, and had never had to do taxes before.

But, most importantly, the Ghost was distracted. At the same time the arranged marriage was out of his hair, the princess distracting Yondaime and not taking space on the throne room's floor. So, for the first time since the Ghost arrived, there was peace and quiet and a general lack of pranks.

That alone, considering how long Sasuke had lived there, should have sent off warning bells. Not small warning bells either, but big, honking, deafening bells that could ring from one side of a country and be heard on the other. However, deaf with the happiness that came with the knowledge the plan was a success, Sasuke had decided that the quiet had been earned over the years. After all, they had put up with some pretty strange things over the years. It was only a matter of time before Fate cut them some slack. (Fate, by the way, was currently hiding her laughter quite well. She still managed to draw the attention of Karma, who approved of the Princess's plan of action and promptly joined Fate in her giggles. The Uchiha's paranoia of these goddesses wasn't quite as undeserved as most people thought).

Turning into his room (dark blue with accents of crimson that somehow managed to work together in creating a "spoooooooky" atmosphere), the king paused as screams of outright horror echoed through the hallowed halls. Sticking his head out the door, meeting the gazes of the other heads out various doors, a shrug was shared. Apparently the distraction for the ghost had worn off. It had been too good to be true.

More screams erupted. Sasuke knew that if it was a serious matter Shisui would tell him in the morning. As Sasuke closed the doors he could have swore he heard his advisor's (feminine) scream. Writing it off as 'the taxes finally got to him' he closed the oak doors with a thump.

The howls of his subjects were muffled by the thick walls and doors (not for the first time did Sasuke regret not upgrading from mostly-soundproof to actually-soundproof) but Sasuke could only wonder what the fuss was about. Had the Ghost find _another_ demon rabbit and brought it home? Shrugging it off, he reached for his closet, intent on changing into some evening clothes. He pulled the closet doors open. And stared.

There was nothing there.

Not one of his perfectly tailored clothing sets. Evening. Morning. Night. Day. Training. Sparring. Everything. Gone. Nothing had been spared.

Not even his tomato print boxers.


	4. Con 3

**The Pros and Cons of An Arranged Marriage**

Chapter 3: Con 3:

"Flag Poles?"

A scream sounded from the King's chambers, one of utter fury and startled horror. It echoed across the lands; having the citizens' glancing in the general direction of the castle while the countries bordering Tomato Country believed it was the howl of a tortured demon (which, given the current scenario, was quite apt). This, however, merely created a particularly juicy rumour for the various rumourmills and, by the time it reached Tsunade's ears in Katsuya, Tomato Country had become infested with demons' who would howl in agony if they came into contact with sunlight. Katsuya's Queen snorted, rather loudly, at such notions but never brought up the fact she was grateful Anko, the Demon Slayer, was with her daughter.

Back in Tomato Country, completely unaware of the newest rumour surrounding the country and willingly locked away in the highest tower of the castle, Sakura glanced up idly at the scream. Her hands didn't pause in their task of sewing together clothing for her soon-to-be inlaws. She pulled off her sunglasses for a moment, careful not to look at the cloth as she did so, "Minato-san, what was that?"

The blond popped up through the pile of dark and eye-pleasing clothing they had collected. "It was just your future husband discovering his closet. Nothing to worry about. In fact, in just a moment he will check his secret stash of clothes and realize he didn't hide it properly." There was another, rather similar to the first, scream and Sakura shrugged after a moment, agreeing with her new ally. Said ally was working on the second phase of the attack. "How's the sewing coming along?"

"Nearly finished, I just need to add the frills to the cape and the King's clothes are complete. Then we are all set for the second stage." Sakura's smile, although more than acceptable in polite society and even in the less than polite society of the courts, had a bit of an edge to it.

"Wonderful!" Minato's smile was bright, and only slightly intimidating- particularly for the Uchiha who managed not to faint while being close enough to see said smile, "Then we can set up the Flag Poles."

It would later be remarked that the Uchiha should really know better and that, instead of panicking as they did, that perhaps they should have looked into what the Ghost was doing. This is thought, however, fled much like the paintings did during the flooding of the castle.

Oh well.

* * *

We departed from the plotting of a woman scorned and a Ghost who was having the most fun he had in years, to visit two knights on the greatest quest of their lives. The search for the Holy Grail. A drink so potent it could knock the strongest of drinkers flat in a daze. A drink so mythical, even the Orochi fell under its spell (Orochi tends to swear whenever someone bring this incident up, and promptly begins citing the various reasons and circumstances that prove he was not drunk after drinking the Holy Grail. Kyuubi usually snorts at this and mutters something akin to 'oh sure you weren't, just like you weren't hogging the bathroom the next day as your guts weren't trying to see sunlight.') Alcohol blessed by the gods.

Golden Saké.

And, though they had been thorough, Anko and Obito had yet to find said mythical drink (but honestly if a drink was truly mythical then chances are that it would take more than a week's search to find it. Even with the 'research' under their belt of all the bars they had already visited). No, they had been quite thorough, if Obito's groans from under what used to be a table were anything to go by.

The general blinked wearily, rather wishing he hadn't when there was a sharp pain in his head, adding to his pounding headache. With a groan, his hand came up to rub the bump on his head that hadn't been there yesterday (he hoped). Attempts to pull up memories from the previous night were met with pain and Obito briefly considered just knocking himself out again until the hangover had passed. He did remember entering the bar with Anko, they had been discussing the pros and cons of archery, and then he had gotten drunk (Anko hadn't even been tipsy he thought with disgust), and then… something. He wasn't sure what, but _something_ had happened.

With a grunt, that sounded more like he was dying, Obitio shoved the remains of the table off of himself. Sitting up he discovered that the world had started to spin since the previous night, and that the Something had done quite a bit of damage. This is something of an understatement, of course, but Obito is hungover and trying his best so please give him the benefit of the doubt and try not to speak too loudly to him.

Whatever the Something had done, it must have been impressive Obito thought as he surveyed the damage. The Bar Owner seemed to alternate between twitching and banging his head against one of the three remaining walls. Nothing had escaped unscathed. Stools were broken, some appeared to have been used like baseball bats, the tables were either mostly intact or in little bitty pieces taking up space on the floor. Numerous people were in similar positions as Obito (moaning from where they had dropped and only slightly dazed and confused as to what had had happened the previous night) which made Obito feel slightly better. "Oi! Anko-kun? You alive?"

The fallen wall seemed to combine both actions of the Bar Owner as it began shaking violently. Finally it flew off, with the patrons of the bar barely managing to get out of the way of the debris. The leg that sent it flying retracted back, and more cursing was heard over the moans of pain (the loudest of which came from the Bar Owner as another wall collapsed from the force of Anko's kick).

The purple-haired knight emerged from the wreakage proudly, an unbroken beer bottle in hand, which she promptly took a gulp of. "I'm alive, Obito-chan. A little stiff, but alive. I don't think we found the Saké though."

And she doesn't even sound hung over, the Uchiha General growled to himself. He pulled himself to his feet, wincing when the world swam for a moment. "Then the search continues!" This declaration was decidedly less impressive when the General fell forwards, finger still pointing dramatically to some unknown point in the distance.

Anko brushed the dust off of her clothes, before stepping through the destruction and reaching for her 'guide.' Pulling the General back to his feet with one hand, the Demon Slayer tried to figure out the easiest way out there. The door (which had, against all odds, survived the Something and contently still on its hinges) was probably the safest now that pieces of the roof were coming down now.

Leaning the General against her, Anko began making her way to the door occasionally taking a sip of her beer. The Knight and General were forced to stop when the Bar Owner jumped in front of them, the remains of a stool in hand and a slightly crazed look in his eyes. "And where do you think you're going?"

Anko actually paused at the sweet tone, while Obito rather wished he was sober enough to either draw his sword or hit the ground and run. "Uh… elsewhere?"

"Oh no." The demented laughter had Anko's brow raising, "No, You're not leaving until this," A wild gesture that seemed to either encompass the remains of the bar or was an interpretive dance of chickens 'warking.' "Is paid for!"

In the ensuing silence a beam fell, sending up clouds of dust on both parties. "Okay then. How much will it cost to repair?" Anko glanced around, "I mean, it's only two walls and a couple of booths, a counter and some stools. It can't cost that much to fix."

The Bar Owner twitched violently, and privately Obito thought that he should see his doctor 'cause that couldn't be good for him at all, before pulling out a piece of paper and all but slapping it into Obito's hands. The General stared at the tiny, nearly illegible writing that could charitably be called scribbles, headache pounding increasing when he realized what it said. "Oh man. Shisui is going to kill me."

Anko raised a brow then glanced at the paper herself, whistling softly (though it was still loud and more like a standing next to a boat horn going off to Obito). "I wouldn't blame him."

Which made Obito feel so much better.

* * *

Sasuke stumbled out of his room, dazed and confused, much like the rest of his family. Shisui appeared soon after the King ran into a wall, equally unnerved as the rest but had years of practice of hiding sheer panic and thus appeared to be calm and collected, before dragging Sasuke to the War-room, "Your Majesty, I know this is traumatic event, but hold it together sir!"

Sitting Sasuke down forcefully at the head of the table, the Advisor could only sigh at the other dazed expressions. It would make following the procedures a little more difficult but, fortunately for Shisui's sense of order, not impossible. "Now, Sasuke- snap out of it! Before they take the tomatoes!"

With a sudden jolt of reality the King returned, eyes narrowing into such a glare that one of the vases was sent running (inwardly Shisui sighed with relief). "How did this happen?" The tone wasn't quite as cold as his brother's, but still cold enough for icicles to form on the beams overhead. "Someone explain what happened and how we plan to fix it so that the clothes are returned and the kidnapper's head becomes a decoration."

The Head Servant coughed, "We are currently unsure as to what happen, your Majesty. All we know is that not a single wardrobe was spared from this attack." The Head Servant pushed the report on the matter forward on the table. "It could be considered an act of war, but we don't know who is responsible."

Shisui thought about it for a moment, before pulling the laws and regulations tome that all of Tomato Country abided by to confirm his thought. He flipped it open to 'W,' bypassing the civil war rules and settled on the clothes. "… The following are considered acts of war upon noble Tomato Country… Crossing the border in blue clothes and red shoes on a Wednesday… Stealing all clothes and burning them…"

"Before you go too far Shisui, don't forget we don't who did this. For all we know it might make this a civil war." The Head Servant reached over and closed the tome, much to Shisui's disgruntlement.

"I bet it is Madara's fault!" (Off on his beautiful beach, Madara sipped his lemonade with one of those funny little umbrellas in it, completely and totally unaware of the utter chaos his descendants were experiencing. Though, he might just laugh even if he did know anyway).

"Nah." The Head Gardener, recovered from his three-day staring contest with the Thundercloud, spoke out. One of his hands idly playing with a trowel, and his wizened gaze traveling the table, "This smells of the Ghost, only more out going than usual."

"But," Shisui countered, "We haven't done anything to tick off Yondaime recently."

On the other side of the table, shifting uncomfortably, the Head of the Anti-Ghost Brigade appeared to be sucking on a lemon, "Uhh…" The soft spoken word drew everyone's attention to the man, who increased his nervous shifting. "Well, we did leave the Outsider in the Ghost's tower."

There was a collective blink, and Sasuke suddenly recalled the woman who had fainted in his throne room over a week ago. "… He can't possibly be upset about that."

There was silence for a moment, interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream of, "PINK! It's pink! My clothes are neon PINK!"

"Apparently," Shisui said mildly after a moment, "he is."

The King sighed and glanced at his Advisor, only to stare. Shisui blinked at the sight of his King's eyes watering and followed the gaze to his robes. His Neon Pink robes. Robes that had once been blue and black with just the right hint of red. In fact, they had been that colour just a moment ago… so when had it changed? _How _had it changed?

As Sasuke watched his advisor pass out from shock, his attention turned to the rest of the Heads and their now pink clothes. He blinked away the tears, it was worse then onion juice, the colour was blinding in nature and amplified by the dark colours of the castle. With steadfast stubbornness Sasuke refused to glance down, not even the snickers of 'frills!' could halt him in his ignorance of obvious facts.

Sasuke was saved from further snickering by a winded servant arriving, neon pink clothes clashing horribly with the doom/gloom atmosphere of the castle, though matching well with the new curtains of a similar colour but different shade, "Sir! I have found parts of the wardrobes!"

The sighs of relief were palpable, and the news revived Shisui. "Wonderful! Where are they?"

The servant shifted in a manner that had Sasuke's hopes plummeting. "Well, sir… it's just the underwear." Another shift. "… And they're on the roof, flying from the newly installed… flag poles."

"Flag poles." Shisui repeated, ignored the sound of Sasuke's head hitting the table. "We never ordered any flag poles." (Actually, Shisui truly didn't order any flag poles. But Minato did, with Shisui's money which made them Shisui's Flag Poles according to Visa. Shisui really should pay more attention to his bills).

"Nevermind the Flag poles, has anyone tried to retrieve the underwear?" The servant's eyes watered when he turned to his king, which only confirmed that Sasuke Really Didn't Want To Know.

"Sort of, your Majesty. A couple of servants have tried to retrieve the clothing articles."

Sasuke raised a brow, "And?"

"They only made it up halfway before the Ghost appeared and… dumped glue and sparkles on them."

It was Shisui's head that hit the table this time, and that was before Obito's forwarded bill hit the table.

* * *

Over in the deepest, darkest cavern that Ame had to offer, another Uchiha was finishing his paperwork. He rather wished assassination reports could be delegated but the one time his cousin did a report for him, his boss had been less than amused (though he didn't understand what the problem was, even the forged signature had been perfect). Honestly, if he had known how much paperwork involved in assassination he may have chosen a different career. Alas, that was not the case as he filled out apparent cause of death and actual cause of death.

This Uchiha, much like Madara, was unaware of the chaos that was transpiring in his home country over the past few days.

However, others in Ame had. "Oi, Uchiha. You're from Tomato Country, right?"

The assassin glanced over to Kisame, a fellow killer. "…Yes." There was an unspoken, 'what of it?' in there and the blue man grinned.

"Then have you heard what's happening over there?" It was the shark grin that had the Uchiha pausing momentarily in completing the country of death. Taking this as a sign of curiosity, the shark man continued. "Apparently everyone in the castle is wearing pink, and there's underwear flying on the flag poles. Been like that for a week now."

It was a testimony to how surprising this knowledge was to the Uchiha, because he actually blinked, "…What?"

"I know. Even the boss can't explain it either. And the Demons are just as confused as the rest of us. Kyuubi is even considering sending that brat of his to ask what the Hell is going on."

…Oh dear.

Perhaps it was time to pay his sibling a visit.

* * *

She didn't understand Tomato Country's fascination with dark colours. She really didn't. Or why they thought everything could be matched with red. Sakura made a mental note to talk to Minato about that.

Her heels clicked softly against the marble floor of the Throne room in a dramatic way that she had mastered back in Katsuya. Sakura rarely had to use it back home, mostly because she didn't feel the need to intimidate anyone there with 'The Heel Clicks of Power' (her reputation from the sparring grounds left most very wary of her). But Tomato Country would be lucky if they realized she didn't have to use the Heel Clicks of Power.

Minato had assured that this was the most likely place to meet her future husband, and Sakura hoped that this was true. It was time to set the record straight: she was Katsuya Royalty and more than capable of defending herself. And if that didn't work, she would just point the fact she had already proven that, with help of the supernatural variety, she could bring this palace to its crying, shivering knees.

With a smirk that wasn't quite evil, and was eerily similar to her mother's, Sakura made her way up to the throne itself. It was rather beautiful, she mused, considering it was coming from the most insane family she had ever had the displeasure of meeting. Carved black marble, with great attention to detail, and scarlet pillows that looked very comfy. Whoever had commissioned the throne had great taste, she would have to find out who it was and get their opinion when she started renovating the castle (which she would, whether or not the King agreed to this, as his punishment was only just beginning).

As she stood beside the throne, noting the attention to detail to the border, one of the double doors opened and then slammed shut. The person who entered was slight, male and the bright pink clothes he donned Sakura could recognize a mile away. Frills and everything. Closer inspection showed his onyx hair suffered from a cowlick in the back, and his face was beginning to appear angular in nature.

This was the King of Tomato Country?

…He was rather short.

And he hadn't noticed her yet.

Now that needed to change. Sakura gave a light cough. It was comical to see the King freeze before glancing up at her from the floor where he had set his brooding gaze on. He was young, Sakura realized, impossibly young. Too young to be ruling a country. No wonder Tomato Country was so messed up: its monarchy was messed up (to what extent, Sakura had to discover). Eyes of coal met hers in brief surprise, before the emotion disappeared.

… Damn he was pretty.

Pushing that thought far, far away, Sakura tilted her head. "So," Sakura began softly, though it echoed throughout the room, "You're the King of Tomato Country." Her father would have frowned at her mocking tone, but Sakura was still less than amused with her missing knives and the fact she had woke up in broom closet to care much for politeness at the moment. "I've been meaning to ask: had enough yet?"

* * *

AN: So... I found this lurking on my hard drive, polished it up a bit and decided to post it for your amusement. I do hope you enjoy. : D


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